Freestyle Fridays: A Message Straight from the Heart
Welcome back to Freestyle Fridays. It has been a few weeks, and I am grateful to sit down, speak from the heart, and share something real. These sessions are uncut, unedited, and unscripted—because sometimes life does not give us the luxury of polishing things before the world sees them.
Some weeks I share something I learned. Other weeks I open up about what life is putting on my mind.
But today’s message is for someone who needs to hear it right now.
The Moment Everything Spiraled
Last week was tough—one of the toughest stretches I have had in years. Many people know this, but some do not:
I live with PTSD from losing my son, CJ, in 2020.
Coming home from a recent conference in Las Vegas, I walked through the door and immediately found myself back in one of my greatest fears. My son Leo was sick—nothing major in the end—but we had to take him to the ER.
For most families, an ER visit is stressful.
For my wife, Nikki, and me, it is a completely different level of pain.
We have zero good memories of being in a hospital with our child. Not one. Every time we step into that environment, the flashbacks flood in. The panic tightens its grip. The room feels smaller. The air feels heavier.
Fortunately, Leo bounced back quickly. He is full of life, full of energy, and full of the spirit that keeps us moving. But that short visit triggered a 10-day emotional spiral that brought back the reality of losing CJ five years ago.
This time of year, we should be getting him ready for kindergarten.
Instead, we are reminded—again—that we are part of a group no parent ever wants to belong to.
You Do Not “Get Over” It—You Get Through It
People often talk about “moving on.”
But you do not move on from losing a child.
You simply learn to get through it, and even then, life will pull you back without warning.
If you are facing something similar—grief, trauma, anxiety—I want you to hear this clearly:
You are not alone, even on the days it feels like you are.
This past weekend, my anxiety skyrocketed. I barely slept. I had to take extra medication just to quiet my mind. I woke up to panic attacks that hit with no warning and no mercy.
I do not share this for sympathy.
I share it because somebody reading this is convinced that they are the only one fighting their battle.
You are not.
When Anxiety Takes Hold
Anxiety has a way of convincing you that nothing will get better.
That nothing can change.
That you are trapped exactly where you are.
I track my sleep, and during that rough stretch, my scores dropped into the 30s and 40s out of 100. Nights became the part of the day I feared most—because when everything got quiet, the emotions got loud.
What helped me begin to reset?
Getting back into cold plunges
Recalibrating my vagus nerve using a device called Pulseto
Daily nervous-system resets
Letting myself talk about what I was feeling
Allowing myself to NOT be okay for a moment
For the last couple of days, I have finally felt my footing return.
But the fear still tries to creep in—especially when I travel.
What if it happens again on a plane?
What if it hits when I am alone in a hotel room?
I had an episode like that back in New York this spring. Somehow, I got through it… but those moments stay with you.
Even Coaches Need Help Too
My career is built around helping people navigate the hardest seasons of their lives. I help individuals find their strength, stay focused, push through adversity, and rise to the next level.
But let me be clear:
I am human, too.
I break down.
I struggle.
I doubt.
I hurt.
And there was a moment last Friday when I hit a level of fear and exhaustion I never want to feel again.
That is why I am taking more precautions.
That is why I am getting back into therapy.
That is why I am learning to address things earlier, not later.
Because I know it will come back.
But each time I fight through it, I come back a little stronger.
A Message for Anyone Supporting Someone with Anxiety
If you know someone who struggles with anxiety, depression, or PTSD, here is something important:
When you ask how they are, ask twice.
The first answer is usually automatic.
The second answer is usually honest.
And when they begin to open up, do not try to solve their problem.
Do not rush to fix them.
Just listen.
At the height of anxiety, logic does not matter.
Advice does not matter.
Solutions do not matter.
But presence does.
What You Do Not See Behind the Scenes
I am a 6’5” man. People assume I am unshakeable.
But I deal with anxiety, depression, and severe PTSD.
In a 14-month span, I sat in a room and watched both my son and my nephew pass away.
Two children.
Two lives.
Two heartbreaks I never asked for—but carry every day.
When Leo runs, jumps, or climbs, every part of me worries. The fear of losing another child does not fade—it simply gets managed with help, intention, and support.
I will never “get over” it.
But I am learning to navigate through it.
Anxiety Is Real—And It Is Crippling
If you have never experienced anxiety, I hope you never do.
Because it is one of the most paralyzing sensations a person can face.
You can look at your life and know everything is fine…
but still feel like everything is falling apart.
It makes no sense.
It defies logic.
It is chemical, emotional, and physical all at once.
Still, every day I fight:
To get stronger
To understand my triggers
To prepare myself
To protect my family
To become the best version of myself despite the pain
And if you are fighting, too, I want you to know something:
I am right there with you.
You Are Not Alone—Share This with Someone Who Needs It
I know this message was raw.
Maybe even messy.
But it was necessary.
If even one person reads this and feels less alone, it was worth it.
And if you are that person—if you are navigating anxiety, PTSD, or grief—hear this one more time:
You are not alone. We are in this together.
Do everything you can to get through today.
Fight through the moments that try to pull you under.
Reach for support when you need it.
And keep going.
You deserve to feel whole again.
You deserve to win again.
You deserve peace again.
Make it a great day.
